How to navigate and embrace uncertainty
When life gives you lemons (and no visa), you turn them into lemonade. Or a blog.
As I’m writing this, I was supposed to be finishing up on my packing and soon about to head to the airport. Instead, I am sitting on the couch in my pj’s, face mask on, definitely about to head nowhere.
Last fall, my partner and I started to seriously plan our move abroad. In short, he applied and got accepted into a uni in Sydney. But that’s really is the short version of it.
Our ”Road to Australia” has been everything but a smooth sail. Nearly everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. Nothing too serious or irreversible, but definitely enough twists and turns to turn them into a full 30-minute sit-com episode. Or to make both of us lose our minds frequently enough.
And this week we have really been at it. Receiving some unexpected news about our visa, and then anxiously waiting for it to arrive all week, only to come to our departure date empty-handed. It has truly been the emotional roller coaster, riding between all the praying and manifestation, positive self-talk and reassurance, only to end up to utter despair and hopelessness in the next moment.
I know all of this might sound extreme, especially since rationally speaking, we know everything will eventually turn out okay and we just have to be patient and wait a tiny bit longer. But when you have been living in this “waiting for the other shoe to drop” state for months, and when it’s the dream you’ve been desiring and longing for for years, I guess it’s perfectly human to be freaking out a little.
Writing has always been a way for me to process what’s going on in my life. And this week, and these months, have certainly been no exception. Living in this constant state of uncertainty has certainly been an interesting human experience. Actually, I feel like it’s something I’ve been practicing for the past five years like it’s my full-time job - but that’s a story for another time. However, I can safely say that I have learned a shit ton (sorry, but there’s really no better word to describe the magnitude), and I figured, why keep all of these lessons to myself.
So here you go. These are some of the things I have learned from navigating and at times, even embracing, uncertainty in my life.
#1 Letting yourself feel all the feels.
You can’t bypass the anger and the sadness and other “difficult” emotions, even if they seem hysterical or out of bounds. Feeling all of them is part of the process. Life is messy by nature and we as humans are the extension of that. Feeling and releasing stuck emotions, especially the ones we may not even understand or can’t explain to ourselves or others, is the number one thing we can do to improve our own wellbeing, whether it’s at times of unrest or ease. Realising this, has been life-changing for me.
#2 You can convince your mind but you can’t fool your body.
This is a continuation from the previous one, and something I have truly been sitting with this week. You can tell yourself “everything is fine” a million times over, but if your body doesn’t register that, it really doesn’t do anything. Our emotions live in our bodies, and that is why we have to work with the body - not the mind - if we want to deal with them. Finding the right tools for you personally, as well as the right people to do the work with (highly recommend this, especially if you’re someone who’s just getting started in the exploration of your mind-body connection) is the key.
#3 Sharing helps.
It’s less about venting and complaining over your situation (although that’s a part of it) and more about letting others see you in your vulnerability. It takes a lot of courage to a) admit you are not okay, and b) let others see you in that. But the power that arises from that moment of authentic connection is beyond comparison.
#4 Focus on what you can control.
This one is a little worn out phrase but it really hits the point. Focusing on things that are beyond our control (like Australian immigration…) isn’t only a complete waste of energy but also a bullet proof way to increase our own anxiety. The one thing we can always control, is our perspective. When we zoom out and look at things from a greater scope, even the most stressful situations usually lose some of their power over us. BUT. Do not do this at the expense of #1. Shifting our perspective doesn’t mean numbing ourselves from our feelings or pushing them down - these two can co-exist at the same time.
#5 You are not in control anyways.
My personal favourite. The most annoying little paradox that at the same time pulls the rug beneath our feet but also sets us free. We like to think that we are the ones calling the shots and running our own lives but the truth is, we’re really not. Ask anyone who’s been in a life-changing accident or anything of the sort. Ultimately, very little is in our own hands. The thought of this can feel frustrating or unfair, but if you really sit with it, it’s actually one of the most liberating things there is. But also one of the easiest ones to forget, especially when our life feels uncertain and we desperately want to hold onto any last remains of certainty. Learning to surrender, is truly a life-long process.
These are the things I find myself coming back to over and over again. Some of them have gotten easier over time but all of them still take conscious effort from me. Keeping these in mind has, however, made life a thousand times easier, and retuned me back to sanity when I’ve needed it the most.
I hope reading this has evoked something within you - maybe curiosity to explore or the feeling of being seen. For my own behalf, I feel giddy and grateful that this situation I find myself in has sparked at least one positive thing - me sharing my thoughts in written form, which is something that has been calling me for some time. I have no idea where this is going to take me but I’m up for the ride <3
Much love, Julia